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Only good at three things. Writing. Math. And I'm all out of math.

Tweets and Jokes from 2014 – part 1

The new Pope said it’s okay to breast feed at the Vatican. What’s still not allowed? Men dressed as giant babies.

Justin Bieber’s home was raided after a neighbor accused him of egging. Police found no evidence, just the Biebs eating a breakfast of toast, bacon & ten pound omelet.

A new iPhone case uses heat vision to see images, even through clothes. So much for hiding confession boners, said my priest.

Can’t help but think Gravity would have been a completely different film if it had been set in a bouncy castle.

A woman went to the ER for having a three hour orgasm. Her husband was later sent to the same ER with a shoulder injury from all the high-fives.

Mitt Romney attended the premiere of bio doc MITT. Moved, he was seen shedding lubricant from his optical socket, then powered down for the night.

The NSA was caught having implanted software on 100,000 computers. Not to worry, they said, it was just for extra Candy Crush lives for Joe Biden.

trace adkins brawl tmz

Trace Adkins involved in Cruise ship brawl with an impersonator. Worse, TMZ uses arrow to point out the real Trace Adkins.

2015 Predictions

My predictions for your 2015…

Day 1: I am making all the changes
Day 2: Back to work… you know, this place isn’t so bad
Day 5: Ugh. Boss still sucks. Clearly, she is not aware of the profound life changes I’m mak— are those cupcakes for us? I’ll just have half of one…
Day 9: My cube is surrounded by soul-sucking motherfuckers. I know I said I’d stop cursing, but dammit, if it’s possible, they are even WORSE than this time last year. But I… I am still on the path… all the changes… most of the changes… I’ve put three pounds back on
Day 21: I give zero fucks. None. This place and everyone in it can burn to the ground… ooh, cupcakes
Day 22: I have eaten all the cupcakes. Literally. Also, we as a society place too much emphasis on looks. New goal: being all about that bass.
Day 31: Goals are stupid. When does Walking Dead come back on?
Day 45: Hey, did you see the show last night? Spoiler alert, it was amazeballs… like these cupcakes I made…
Day 365: I need to watch less television, cut down on sweets, be more accepting of others… let me write this shit down (last curse word, pinky swear) in my Task app I purchased last year and will totally use every day from now on…

Creating An Original TV Drama Series

You should follow the ScriptAngel blog. Lots of great articles like this, and several times a year, she posts a current list of upcoming screenwriting contests.

Scriptangel's Blog

We all know that writing a killer feature film script is hard but how about creating a pilot script for a drama series; something that will be compelling not just over an hour, or a series of hours, but over years?

downton abbey

I’ve been working a lot recently with a couple of talented Script Angel clients who are creating original tv series on spec. Developing a new series is an ambitious undertaking and not something I’d usually recommend early-stage writers to attempt. After all, creating a single protagonist story over ninety minutes is challenge enough. But my writers love television drama; they are avid viewers, know the medium and envisage a career writing for it. In the UK you can’t impress a television exec with a spec of their own show, so writers have to create something original in order to demonstrate their abilities both to create original shows and to…

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New Sitcom Pilot Completed!

tv clip art 

“It’s a multi-cam!” said the nurse.

——- First time writing one of these, for both me and my writing partner Jamie Nash.

Keeping logline and stuff under wraps for a bit, while we get some peer feedback, but will post soon enough.

Jamie is a repped WGA writer, which opens up a few new avenues (for me) in taking the project out. My personal marketing has been limited to pitching prodcos through places like Virtual Pitchfest and Amazon Studios, entering contests and posting it to a CompuServe Bulletin Board — admittedly, that last one is a bit outdated.

Feels good to get a script under the belt this year. Took a long time to put my webseries online (well, half online), and it ate up a lot of writing time in the spring.  I’ve got a half-finished pilot and a feature to get back to and if either of those can be completed, this would be a good year. Better would be getting optioned. Even better, a date with Jessica Chastain.

This is my third writing project with Jamie, who also directed my webseries Click!. We pitched an open assignment to Amazon Studios a couple years back (didn’t get it) but the dark comedy we wrote Cordially Invited did win Best Film for the 48 Hour Film Project (Baltimore).

Maybe the third time is the one that gets me… that date with Jessica!

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