Skip to content

'A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.' -Richard Bach

Procras-tax-nator!

taxclock

(this post best experienced in Jimmy Fallon voice… as all things are)

Thanks… procrastination, my constant companion, for once again making me scramble to file taxes

Thanks… technology, for making physical calendars obsolete, thus ensuring I’d think the 15th was on Wednesday, until I saw an ad for the Fargo premiere

Thanks… cheap stores — and your even cheaper receipts — that have faded so much I’m studying them like archeologists did with the first clay writing tablets of Uruk in Mesopotamia; at least now I know what to use if I want to send coded messages in the mail

Thanks… NSA, for invading my privacy, but if you’re going to do it, at least you could put together a year-end report of all my activity, would save me a lot of time

 

Video

WEBSERIES TO PREMIERE APRIL 30TH

This is not an April Fool’s joke.  Especially since I’m posting on the 2nd.

My labor of love, and let me emphasize, labor, as in painful birthing or kidney stone passing (which I have done, not recommended), the webseries CLICK! is finally being released…

Well, the first three episodes anyway…

Small victories. And I will take them.

In the meantime, watch our latest promo, and some outtakes, which are hilarious. (I wrote and directed these, and you can hear my genius in the outtakes! Yes, I said it, genius.)

See you here at the end of the month!

Screenwriting Contests – updated January 2014

OMGchrism:

[Great summary of Screenwriting Contests, with deadlines & links]

Originally posted on Scriptangel's Blog:

fail if stop writingCheck out these screenwriting contests and let me know if there are others you’ve come across that are worth me posting here. And don’t forget to subscribe to the Script Angel blog to receive regular updates to this list:

Writers’ Couch (Cascade Pictures) – Deadline: ongoing – Screenplay 80-140pp. UK residents and unrepresented writers only.

Nashville Film Festival Screenwriting Contest - Deadline: 31 January 2014 (late).  Screenplays 80-120pp, short script under 40pp, half-hour tv comedy script 22-35pp, one-hour tv drama 45-65pp.

CAPE New Writing Fellowship – Deadline: 31 January 2014. Sponsored by NBC Universal and Warner Bros. For Asian American and Pacific Islander writing talent. Original tv spec and feature film screenplays accepted.

Northern Film & Media Project Surgeries - Deadlines: 5 February 2014 / 5 March 2014. Developing screenwriters & filmmakers in NorthEast England.

BAFTA Rocliffe New Writing Forum – Deadline: 10 February 2014 (early) / 8 March 2014 (final).  Call opens 27…

View original 1,153 more words

Aside

Screenwriting Rules – UGH!

I use this blog primarily as an extension of my business card.  Sharing in a kinda snarky, somewhat entertaining, pseudo intellectual way, what’s going on with my writing.  And my love of bewbs, because they are soft and awesome and I’m all about things that are awesome.

But today, it serves a therapeutic purpose.  I need to vent.

Broken Rules Falls to Chaos Anarchy Pieces

And the topic of said venting is the ‘rules’ of screenwriting. The subject of endless debate among (primarily amateur) screenwriters.

I say primarily because I do see some gurus, consultants, mentors and of course, any dude who — took a writing class — went to a McKee seminar — skimmed a screenwriting book at Borders (that was a thing once, like rolling up your pants leg & dueling with pistols) — having some specific rule or another about what you can and cannot do in a screenplay.

What are some of the rules, you ask?  Hmm, off the top of my head…

NEVER Bold. Underline. Italicize. Use ellipses… more than one hyphen – -
Only write what you can see.
Only use day/night for time.
Don’t put action in character parens. 
      (What are you doing using character parens anyway?)

IT DRIVES ME F*CKING NUTS!!!

It makes me cry and poop my pants a little.

It makes me cry and poop my pants a little.

Recently, I’ve seen the debate carried on in a private online screenwriting group I belong to, that I’ll just call Write Club, since I can’t talk about it.  It started with a nice, simple question.  “I’ve seen more and more scripts bolding their sluglines, is that something you do?”.  Holy shit, you’d think someone had asked if it’s okay to put babies on spikes, or worse, opined on Obamacare. The rule mongers came out in force, swarming the thread like… stuff that swarms.  Sorry, I can’t think straight, a rage stroke has affected my parietal lobe.

I had to unfollow the post, sip a nice saucer of warm milk, and put on Ru Paul’s Drag Race to calm my nerves… don’t judge me.

Let me tell you something.  Go pick up any professional script and you’ll see every one one of these and other rules broken.  Oh, but you say, that’s only for the pros.  Once you break in, you can do what you want.  Until then, follow the rules!  Always. Without exception. Or die.

UGH!

Name one successful artist who said, I got to where I am today by following the rules.  Can you?  What, Emily Post?  Fine, you got me.  

Listen, of course it’s important to understand the rules.  But I only consider them using the wisdom of the great sage Morpheus.

 “There’s a difference between knowing the path and walking the path.”

Do you understand that?  You do, great.  Can you explain it to me?  I got totally confused by the third Matrix movie.

Anyway, back to rules.  Okay, so you like rules.  Or maybe you need boundaries, because your parents had the bowling alley put up those bumpers so your ball didn’t go in the gutter.  Whatever.  I’ve got you covered.

Here are the three rules I follow, and they’re pretty simple.  Ready?

one

BE CLEAR

two

BE ENTERTAINING

three

DON’T SCREW WITH THE MARGINS/FONT

That’s it.

The first two, obvious.  Make sure the reader understands the story you’re trying to tell.  And do it in an interesting way.

The third one, that’s the only real ‘rule’.  There are industry standard templates for screenwriting, with very specific margin settings and font/size.  So that when anyone picks up a script, they know about one page equals one minute of footage.  It’s like that Unbreakable Vow between Snape and Malfoy’s mom, or keeping quiet about what happens in the champagne room.  You just don’t do it.  Or you die.

So, I’m done.  Vent spewed.

Now, back to bewbs!

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: