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'A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.' -Richard Bach

Screenwriter Social Media Posts and Their Subtext

 Anyone have experience pitching to BIG NAME PRODUCER/STUDIO?

I know anyone who could actually answer this isn’t reading our shitty forum, but I wanted to humblebrag about my big meeting

— Fuck You!

 

Just so thankful to God I’m able to write for a living. #ScreenWriterLife

I go to church and live off a trust fund

— guess that means God hates me, so #FuckYou

 

Just so thankful to God I’m able to write for a living. #ScreenWriterLife

My wife is a lawyer and supports my hobby

— #FuckYou #Atheist

 

Story is structure

My girlfriend got me one of those writing quote-a-day calendar things, and this is today’s

— you’re too old to break into screenwriting – 90’s Throwback Fuck You!

 

Behind on my project for PRODUCER/DIRECTOR. Need a kick in the ass.

Just wanted to remind you how inferior you are

— you’d probably be on schedule if you stopped wasting everyone’s time with humblebrag posts like these – Fuck You!


Heya writing friends, great community we have here. Um, can you give my PROJECT NAME some love, please Like/Tweet/Kickstart…

I only popped in this forum because I need something, you’ll never hear from me again

— how about you pay-it-forward by visiting my fund raising page first, every reward is a Fuck You!

 

Does anyone know HUGE MOVIE STAR NAME? I have the perfect script for them.

I totally think George Clooney and I could be besties

— Fuck You, go start a fan club

 

Just want to thank GURU ON GURU’S TWITTER PAGE for all they do for us!

I desperately need attention and can’t afford therapy

— here’s a body pillow you can hug, Fuck You!

 

What’s your favorite SCREENWRITING BOOK/MOVIE/SCREENPLAY?

I literally have nothing else to do today, and want to waste other’s time

— Fuck You, you lazy dick, go write!

 

Does anyone know how to TECHNICAL WRITING QUESTION?

I’m needy and never heard of Google

— I just put ‘Fuck You’ into my search engine and it yielded 192 billion results, all of them for you!

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So, fellow bitter reader, add your own Quote/Subtext in the comment section below. I’m just scratching the surface here.

I’m a failed writer and your comments validate me.

 

Latest Sketches

So, these were the two sketches/scenes I entered into this year’s ABC & NBC Writer’s showcase.

If you ever wanted to see my writing style and sense of humor, these 5 pg pdfs are it.

rivers bolo

FIT TO BE BOLO TIED (PDF)

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Batman_and_Robin____and_Flash_by_DanielGoettig

FLUSH… AH AHHH! — (PDF)

Lord Snark recap — GOT Ep 4.10 “The Children”

the privy

 

The privy hits the fan this episode…

 

 

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So, we learn that Mance doesn’t want to raid the Seven Kingdoms, just house his people on the other side of TheWall because winter and zombies. With just fifty Night’s Watch left, looks like he’s going to get his wish… riders, what now?

You know how that one time you gave your son money for school clothes, but he spent it all playing video games instead? (okay, that was totally me and it was the 80’s, when there was a thing called an arcade and we didn’t have Atari) — I’m guessing that’s how the Iron Bank feels about Stannis spending their gold for an army to retake the Iron Throne and heading north with it instead

The Mountain getting put back together Dr. Frankenstein style… nope, don’t see any consequences coming from that

Cersei sings that new Sara Bareilles’ song I Choose You to Jamie and puts their incestuous relationship back on the table… literally

Dany declares the freed Mereen slaves can enter into contracts with their former masters, which prompts Ser Barristan to warn a group will take advantage of this… lawyers

Former slave to Dany “The young may rejoice in the new world you have built for them, but for those of us too old to change there is only fear” — I’m suggesting that be the new slogan for Fox News

Poor Dany is forced to chain up her dragons… guess they don’t have Baby Bjorn carriers across the Narrow Sea

Looks like Sam and Frodo finally made it to Mount Doom… Oh, wait, that’s Bran and Hodor, my bad — The tree is so close.  Just gotta cross this little snowy patch and– Holy Jason and The Argonauts, skeletons

I shoot heroin and fireball!

I shoot fireballs and heroin!

 

Nice to see Kate Moss getting work as one of The Children

 

 

 

 

So, the three-eyed raven is one of the dudes from Duck Dynasty?

That was a dirty fight between The Hound and Brienne. She went all Evander Holyfield on him and he kicked her in the balls

Meanwhile, back at the capitol… Jamie hits the Staples That Was Easy Button and frees Tyrion.  Yeah!   Just a few steps from freedom and…  do I have time for one last look around the castle?  I’m feeling nostalgic, so sure, what could go wrong?

—>let’s see, how about my old bedroom… ahh, memories, of power, lost love… oh shit, Shae it isn’t so?

—>speaking of shit… guess I should hit the privy before my long trip…. Oh, hiya papa, happy Father’s Day, I got you these two cross bolts

—>uh, Varys, remember that time before Blackwater, how we talked about taking a vacation together, maybe that place where they worship a god with sixteen teets?  Yeah… you’re coming with me now

Please, internet, I’m begging you, start a Grumpy Cat meme with Varys sitting on that ship

And finally, we get to see Arya use her special coin which scores a free trip to Braavos.  Little Known Fact – if you say “Valar Marguiles”, that sea captain takes you to a taping of The Good Wife

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So, dear readers, what questions are left as we await next season?

— Did Arya, Tyrion & Varys enjoy their Carnival Cruises?

— Are The Hound, The Mountain and Tywin really dead?

— Do Jon Snow and Stannis spend the hiatus competing in brooding contests?

— Will the other two members of ZZ Top also be cast as three-eyed ravens?

— Does Ginger Beard (I’m too lazy to look up his name) learn his fate will be death by: hanging, beheading, chucked off the wall or being forced to watch a full season of Big Brother?

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Leave your snarky observations from this episode or season in the Comments below!

Lord Snark – GOT Ep 4.9 “The Watchers on the Wall”

dk

Dropping barrels full of references in this snarkcap…

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After last week’s head-popping ender, nice to see the show start with some quite moments about love…

Like…

— Sam questioning Jon Snow about the finer points of Wildling dating. —–>What if she has a giant in the family? —–>How long do you wait for sex after she’s had an incest baby? —–>Does the wolf pelt match her ginger minge (for the record, I wanted the answer to that one too; also, is ginger minge pie a Ben & Jerry’s flavor yet?)

— Sam getting all Bill Clintony with the Night’s Watch rules on celibacy.   “I did not break my oath, with that woman, Miss Gilly. Technically. As you can’t father babies with the butt. Or mouth. Altoid?

— Maester Aemon going all How I Met Your Mother with Sam

— Seeing the Wildings south of the wall get some downtime. Just sitting around the fire, warging out, sharpening stuff, sharing stories about bear fooking… wait, what now?

HOOT! HOOT! Stop yer yapping everyone, Mance Rayder is here. And he’s brought those California wildfires with him…

Onto the battle highlights

— Make sure to read Ser Alliser Thorne’s book on leadership “Don’t Get Second Guessed by Every Clever Little Twat with a Mouth

GOT-BATTLE

“No such thing as giants.”

 

–Janos Slynt, after seeing a giant riding a mammoth…

Survives the battle and goes on to be hired by Westeros’ Fox News channel as their official Climate Change denier (Winter is NOT coming!)

— Didn’t realize the Night’s Watch had four groups: Rangers, Builders, Stewards and Donkey Kong

— Jon Snow really can’t hold on to that sword. Maybe he should put a wrist strap on it or something

Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame, darling, you give love a bad name… and that name is Ygritte

———> side note: Anyone else get Omar from The Wire flashbacks when that little boy killed her?

— Wildling wall climbers… um, how about we don’t climb, like, right where they can shoot arrows at us, or break off sheets of ice, it’s a giant-ass wall… we could, literally, climb anywhere else but right under them… phew, looks like we’re going to make it boys — is that a freakin’ scythe? — ahhhhhhh!

— Apparently, giants learned how to lift those iron gates by watching American Ninja Warrior

— No one in the Night’s Watch can do math. You had 100 men to start the battle. Mance had 100000. You lost at least half by the end. Stop saying 1000 times the men, they didn’t lose 50000 dudes, sheesh — thanks Common Core!

— Sam, it’s a really good idea to let Jon Snow go off on his own — you don’t want to be friends, related or fook him — see Pyp, Grenn, Robb Stark, Ned Stark & Ygritte…

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