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'A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.' -Richard Bach

Tweets and Jokes from 2014 – part 2

miley_cyrus_wrecking_ball

Miley Cyrus to duet with Madonna on MTV Unplugged. Instead of a wrecking ball, though, Miley will swing from Madonna’s boobs.

As a citizen, not pleased with the government’s spying programs. But as a writer, I’m just glad someone is reading my work.

The cost of being a rabid Apple fan can really add up, reported a tech journal. Not because of the expensive products, but from constantly being punched in the face.

A survey found that half of men like shopping, have cried in the last month and hate strip clubs… and I learned you shouldn’t poll husbands in front of their wives.

A research paper said MTV’s “16 and Pregnant” had prevented thousands of teen pregnancies. You know what else did? My low sperm count.

Mike Huckabee defended his position on ‘women not being able to control their libido’ by saying he’s seen all six seasons of Sex and the City.

You’d think with that 10 million dollar bounty, those Bigfoot hunters would have already found Dean Cain’s acting career.

Want to thank the Oscars and the movie Mandela for reminding the world just how important U2 is.

Took Rorschach test for a Krispy Kreme job. Now I can’t look at a bakers dozen of donuts without seeing six lesbian couples and their lonely friend.

Kanye is suing over a ‘Coinye West’ bitcoin saying it damages his reputation. Bitcoin counter sued for his ˜Bound 2″ video, citing the exact same reason.

Why is it so damn hard to find a Groupon for Gymkata classes?!!!!

There are only two kinds of people in this world. Those who love Bugles and idiots.

karate and tree

In what can only be an act of revenge, a tree chopped a Karate studio in half   #HurricaneIselle #Hawaii

Tweets and Jokes from 2014 – part 1

bieber-pope

The new Pope said it’s okay to breast feed at the Vatican. What’s still not allowed? Men dressed as giant babies.

Justin Bieber’s home was raided after a neighbor accused him of egging. Police found no evidence, just the Biebs eating a breakfast of toast, bacon & ten pound omelet.

A new iPhone case uses heat vision to see images, even through clothes. So much for hiding confession boners, said my priest.

Can’t help but think Gravity would have been a completely different film if it had been set in a bouncy castle.

A woman went to the ER for having a three hour orgasm. Her husband was later sent to the same ER with a shoulder injury from all the high-fives.

Mitt Romney attended the premiere of bio doc MITT. Moved, he was seen shedding lubricant from his optical socket, then powered down for the night.

The NSA was caught having implanted software on 100,000 computers. Not to worry, they said, it was just for extra Candy Crush lives for Joe Biden.

Trace Adkins involved in Cruise ship brawl with an impersonator. Worse, TMZ uses arrow to point out the real Trace Adkins.

trace adkins brawl tmz

2015 Predictions

My predictions for your 2015…

Day 1: I am making all the changes
Day 2: Back to work… you know, this place isn’t so bad
Day 5: Ugh. Boss still sucks. Clearly, she is not aware of the profound life changes I’m mak— are those cupcakes for us? I’ll just have half of one…
Day 9: My cube is surrounded by soul-sucking motherfuckers. I know I said I’d stop cursing, but dammit, if it’s possible, they are even WORSE than this time last year. But I… I am still on the path… all the changes… most of the changes… I’ve put 3 pounds back on
Day 21: I give zero fucks. None. This place and everyone in it can burn to the ground… ooh, cupcakes
Day 22: I have eaten all the cupcakes. Literally. Also, we as a society place too much emphasis on looks. New goal: being all about that bass.
Day 31: Goals are stupid. When does Walking Dead come back on?
Day 45: Hey, did you see the show last night? Spoiler alert, it was amazeballs… like these cupcakes I made…
Day 365: I need to watch less television, cut down on sweets, be more accepting of others… let me write this shit down (last curse word, pinky swear) in my Task app I purchased last year and will totally use every day from now on…

Creating An Original TV Drama Series

Featured Image -- 175844844

OMGchrism:

You should follow the ScriptAngel blog. Lots of great articles like this, and several times a year, she posts a current list of upcoming screenwriting contests.

Originally posted on Scriptangel's Blog:

We all know that writing a killer feature film script is hard but how about creating a pilot script for a drama series; something that will be compelling not just over an hour, or a series of hours, but over years?

downton abbey

I’ve been working a lot recently with a couple of talented Script Angel clients who are creating original tv series on spec. Developing a new series is an ambitious undertaking and not something I’d usually recommend early-stage writers to attempt. After all, creating a single protagonist story over ninety minutes is challenge enough. But my writers love television drama; they are avid viewers, know the medium and envisage a career writing for it. In the UK you can’t impress a television exec with a spec of their own show, so writers have to create something original in order to demonstrate their abilities both to create original shows and to…

View original 1,081 more words

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